The StassiNet

Recent Google findings have revealed that the Stassi, in all his e-lebrity notoriety, has finally re-achieved front page status on the Google search results index. His ascent to the top was well underway several years ago until the WWW prefix rudely departed from the StassiNet parent organization SEA last June, ultimately resetting Google's time-invested index of the site.

"The climb back up has been long and treacherous," commented Stassi at the StassiNet Annual Kitty Fundraiser. "It's like my whole world is now complete. There's nothing a gentleman wants more than to be [near] the top of Google."

"...unless, of course," he added, "he could be at the very top." He glared off into a distant place until a purring kitten nuzzled against his outstretched hand to scent it.

As long as the StassiNet's popularity gains or remains unchanged, Stassi's ascent to the very top of Google has been predicted to take approximately three hundred twenty-seven more years on the condition that other sites do not gain any more popularity. Other search results include websites from pretentious artists, some golfer kid, and misspellings of the German secret police "Stasi."

When questioned about whether his pursuit of individual fame would conflict with his directorship of an international secret organization, Stassi mentioned, "I find it easier to enjoy life's simple pleasures if people just accept who I am. That way I don't have to hide behind bushes or wear ninja pants when I'm at the grocery store. Plus I enjoy being trailed around by groups of screaming teenie-boppers."

In other recent news, Stassi was questioned by authorities last August when a concerned elderly citizen informed police that he was without pants in a public setting. Stassi, being his own physician, related the incident to an extremely rare genetic disorder that lapses every seven hundred generations. He was immediately acquitted of charges and given dozens of pairs of pants by sympathetic onlookers, including an anonymous law enforcement official.